Monday, July 10, 2017

Love languages

This is very interesting aspect in marriage. How love languages could have an impact in marriage life.
It could make the marriage become better or worse.
Differences in love languages between husband and wife can become a problem or a strengthening instrument.

There are five love languages, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts and act of service.
My primary love languages are physical touch and gifts. On the other hand, my husband's primary love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.
We have completely different love languages and because of this, we have different ways to express our love towards each other.

Partners have tendency to express his or her love using his or her love languages instead of his or her partners need. As our case, I subconsciously express my love using mine since I also want to be loved in return with these love languages.
I love to openly hug or kiss him in public places or even in front of our kids. And for special occasions like birthday, anniversary or Christmas, I will put an effort to look for the presents that he has ever mentioned before that he wants or needs it but has no time to look for it. Even if they are in the other part of the world, and within my means, I will buy as suprise gift for him.

On the other hand, he expresses his love using his love languages. He will seldom say no if I need times for myself or doing some errands. And he will always put in the good words if he requests for something or wants to correct me if I am wrong to make sure that he doesn't break my heart or hurt me.

Eventhough these are not my primary needs, but when he does that, I still feel loved.
But things can go wrong when our primary needs are not fulfilled for a period of time or when we expect  our partner to give more than they could.

For eg last year I felt so exhausted mentally and physically by the end of the year because of a hectic life for the whole year and it triggered me to feel even worse and unloved when my love tank was never filled up for very long time. 
I hoped that he would give me a surprise gift for Christmas presents. I have given him hints but it didn't work and end up I told him what I wanted and it no longer a surprise or meaningful gift that I expected.

In the following year, he made an effort to give a surprise valentine gift and dinner as well as a surprise birthday gift by staycation eventhough it's not my want. But I appreciate his efforts and feel loved again.

Another example is on his case, for him, quality time just two of us is very important like when we were in courtship day. However, things have changed over the years, with three kids in the house and a side business that I built with no helper, time becomes so rare and precious. That's why the quality time that I could give him is no longer luxurious. I try to plan, juggle and multitask whatever on my daily do lists but still it may not up to his expectations.
For me, once a month couple date and accompanying him during weekends are the best time I could give. But he may expect more since he always make himself available whenever I ask him.

These are the life examples that how differences in love languages can create an issue in marriage.
It may not seem trivial issue but if it's built up overtime, it could danger the marriage life itself especially when the persons involved are no longer know the root of the problems and put the blame on another partner.

The solution for this is communication between husband and wife. By telling the other partner honestly what he/she needs, and the expectations of the other partner, the love languages would be a strengthening instrument for happy marriage.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Happy 9th Year Wedding Anniversary ( 5 July 2017)

The Marriage Prayer

Father, I said till death do us part
I want to mean it with all of my heart
Help me to love You more than I love her
Then I know I can love her more than anyone else

And bring her in Your presence today
Make her what You want her to be

I pray to hear her heart
I pray she'll love You more
I pray to cherish and serve her
And we'll bring You glory today, I pray

Father, I said till death do us part
I want to mean it with all of my heart
Help me to love You more than I love him
Then I know I can love him more than anyone else

And bring him in Your presence today
Make him what You want her to be

I pray to hear his heart
I pray he'll love You more
I pray to strengthen and cherish him
And we'll bring You glory today, I pray

We celebrated our 9th year Wedding anniversary one day earlier as our second son would have chinese tuition every Wednesday. We had a family dinner at Aston Restaurant.

Weekend Getaway at Down Under ( June 2017)

We flew with Virgin Australia on Thursday midnight and arrived at Sydney on Friday morning.
Upon arrival, we went to Central Station meeting our friend there to pass our luggage to be put in his office before exploring the city.
We visited Tourist Landmarks like Sydney Opera House, The Rocks, Harbour Bridge, Darling Harbour, QVB building and Paddy's Market.

In the evening, we stayed over at our friend house at Parramata area.
On Saturday, we spent our time catching up over meals and coffee with our friends and relative who were already staying here.

On Sunday, we went to church at St Mary's Cathedral and had lunch at Manly beach with our dear friends and their children and met up with our old friends too in the evening and had dinner together at Korean Restaurant.

It was a pleasant trip and nice catch up with our friends except  that I was not feeling well and had very bad sore throat.

Family Trip to Bali ( June 2017)

As June was a school holiday, we thought that it would be great idea to bring our children out the county for mind refreshing. After brainstorming, we decided to go to Bali this time round.

My parents flew from Semarang to Bali and we  planned to have a holiday together there.
Last minutes plan, we decided to spend couple quality time over the weekend at Sydney.
Therefore we left our children at my parents' care.
Still, they had enjoyed their holiday there.

Monthly Dates on first half year of 2017

On the following months, we had a monthly date either dinner or watch movie.
Every time we had a date, it made our love stronger and we fall in love with each other again.

Valentine's Date ( February 2017)

As our commitment to have quality time once a month, on February we celebrated Valentine's day just the two of us.
We left our children at my cousin's care.
He gave me a surprise gift and booked dinner at Aura's Restaurant, it's kinda fine dining that we had 11 years ago during our courtship day.
We enjoyed each other companion that night very much.

Godly Women Retreat on January 2017

2 years ago, he has attended a retreat Pria Sejati Katolik (Catholic True Man) and since then he has changed to be a better one.
He's more responsible and hands on with household chores and the best part is he leads our family's faith closer to God.

He encouraged me to go for Wanita Diberkati Katolik (Godly Women Retreat) since last year but I couldn't attend since I had the youngest one who was still breastfed at that time, therefore after he was no longer breastfed and there was an opportunity, I took a courage to leave all kids behind under his and my mother's care for 5 days 4 nights.

It was a fruitful retreat, it changed my paradigm about my call as a wife and mother.
How I should submit to husband and how I should give a life to this family and support my husband.

Hopefully our family is getting stronger in faith and become a blessing to other people surrounding us.