It's not by coincidence that God called us for attending Deeper / formation ME Weekend.
He knew exactly what we need as a married couple. Even though there are no major issues in our relationship right now except my works, I found we are less connected to each other.
It seems that there's thin wall between us. And the timing was just nice after our 16th years anniversary.
When we came to deeper ME weekend, we didn't have any expectation since there are no major issues to be solved. Friday session went smoothly.
We wrote love letter to each other, he thanked me for what I have done in the past 4 years bringing extra money to the family.
Things getting intense on Saturday afternoon as the topic went deeper, digging our iceberg that's where the issues surfaced.
I told him that I feel like married AI husband, perfect husband but had no feeling.
When he asked me what he's lacking, I said only the real feeling. I wanted him to be a real human who can express his feelings either positive and negative.
Whereas he complained that I often used phone when I was with him which he didn't like.
Fire broke out that Saturday night.
He finally shared his vulnerability and I told him this was what I wanted from him.
I thanked him to have courage and trust me to share his vulnerability.
Honestly, we were not feeling good. We ended up hurt each other but I believed this is the process we need to go through as both of us are human with wounds and hurt before but this is where we need each other to strengthen and to make the better version of ourselves.
Sunday morning during forgiveness session, we calmed down and started to forgive one another.
And these take aways from our Formation ME Weekend.
1. Him : he's not sure since when he's been living without feeling, he's doing everything for the sake of good image. To be the best student, the best boyfriend, the best husband but sacrificing his authenticity.
He may be look perfect in the social media and people surrounding and become "Role Model" However he's not living himself and less connected with me as his wife who stays beside him 24/7
2. I : I'm a strong headed and stubborn alpha female. Whatever I want, I will get it even need to pay hefty price by sacrificing our relationship and family. I run too fast that he and the kids can't catch up on my pace. I end up left them out for my personal goal, ambition and race.
In the end, I feel empty and lonely up there
3. Both : aware of each other feeling. There are many miscommunication and misunderstanding taking place as we are not aware of our feeling for certain action. And we also never let other party know how we feel when other party does something. So taking note and dialoging our feelings are very essential part in achieving intimacy relationship
Last but not least, we ended the retreat well with new love, hope and joy and we said YES to join ME community to serve other families.
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