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Walking in the Desert

 


This is what I feel right now, walking in the desert alone.

These past few days I felt in low spirit, felt like loser and idiot. All negative thoughts and self doubt attacking me.

I questioned myself, am I a capable sales person ? do I value add the company where I am working ? am I worth the salary I receive ? do I spend more than getting the results ?

I tell myself that I am worthy, I am good and try to learn from free LinkedIn courses how to be a better sales person.

I know that God is there and watching over me, but I just can't see it yet. I want to escape and running from the current situation but I know that's not the answer. I need to embrace and trust God's plan.


In addition to that, I felt more down this morning when I saw hubby's chat with her. In my head level, I try to tell myself that it's merely just a chat, friendship's chat, nothing more than that.

But I can't lie that I felt uneasy in my heart. I just felt unfair that he cares so much, goes extra mile to help her, empathises, encourages and praises her which is supposed to be done by her hubby while I need to cheer myself to embrace and keep going.

Despite all this, I still need to teach our youngest son Chinese daily. But none say anything to give me affirmation.

I just wish and hope can I just have you as a whole and fully to myself ?

Can I and the kids have 100% attention from you ?

Can you take care of my delicate and fragile heart ?


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