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In the Bottom pit

Right now, I feel as if I've been thrown into a deep pit, and everything around me is crumbling. I feel lost, confused, and hopeless.

What has brought me to this point? Yesterday, while syncing my smartwatch, I checked my Fitbit and was shocked to discover that my next period is only nine days away. Seeing my fertile window and ovulation period coinciding with the intense intimacy I had last week filled me with dread.

I felt devastated and anxious, knowing that my chances of getting pregnant are higher this time. The thought of being pregnant again at my age is overwhelming; my energy feels halved, and I’m not mentally prepared for another child.

After spending the last 12 years as a stay-at-home mom, I was finally focused on my personal growth and career. The idea of starting over is something I can't accept.

I know this is all based on assumptions and my own overthinking, but it has spiraled into unnecessary worry. I cried all day, pleading with God not to grant me another child and to let those who truly need it have that opportunity.

If I can’t work full-time anymore, that’s okay, as long as I’m not pregnant.

Now, I feel clueless, lost, and hopeless. I don't know how to regain my energy and positive mindset. It feels like all my hard work has been for nothing, and I'm back at square one.

My only prayer is to reach out to the Lord: please help me rise from this pit. Grant me a glimmer of light to guide me, and restore my hope and faith once more.

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