Gratitude and Solitude

Last Saturday when I woke up, I didn't feel good.
I complained to God about my hubby and compared him with a guy whom I knew in the gym.
I felt that he didn't know what I needed right now which was encouragement and affirmation words as well as touch and service.

The guy in the gym was very attentive and observant, I knew that he's not doing it only for me, but a small act he did made me feel good.
He pushed me to be stronger and better each day, when I needed some helps, he's ready anytime without me asking. He praised my progress and gave me words of encouragement.

In that morning, I hinted to my hubby, to touch and hug me. Unfortunately, he's busy with his handphone and fell a sleep again afterwards.
I couldn't take it and went to restroom and cried my heart out.
I feel so upset and disappointed.
I took a courage to do something about it because I knew if I started my day with negative thoughts, my day would be ruined.

I decided to jog around neighbourhood for around 4.2km.
When I started to jog, my energy was spent and focused in running thus I didn't have spare energy to think or imagine negatively.
The negative thoughts started to fade and when I was in solitude, I could feel that God started to speak with me.

He brought me back to the past one week, the people I meet, the activities I have done and all simple things.
He reminded me that sometimes we were too focused on the blessings that we received from God and got distracted.
We put our hope and expectations to the blessings not the giver of the blessings.
In the end, we felt disappointment when things didn't turn out what we wanted to be.

God reassured me that my hubby was the best gift that suitable for me.
He brought back what my hubby has done in the past 12 years of our marriage.
He's a man of God, He put God first above all.
He sacrificed his time, mind and energy for this family.
He gave me a freedom to be who I am.
Yes, he's not a perfect man and nobody does, right
But above all, he has done his part the best he could.

As for the guy in the gym, I may only know 1% of him.
I may not know the 99% of his characters, his background, his family etc.
He reminded me not to get distracted.

After that, I felt so good especially when my mind was straighten out again.
I experienced peace and joy.

Then, I visited the community farm invited by my neighbour.
It's so calming and soothing looking at the plants.
She's so nice and kind hearted and event wanted to teach me chinese.
She spoke in chinese, if I didn't understand, she didn't laugh at me but told me the meaning and how to speak.
She taught me about the plants and asked me to water some of her plants.

In the end, she rewarded me with some organic vegetables from her farm.