Reflection

It's been such a long time that I sit down, press a pause button and reflect back what has happened in my life, what things I should be grateful, what are the lesson learnt and what I should improve

Things have gone so fast in my life and it's like unending cycle.

It's been almost 2 months since I helmed the new project in the company I am working and it took half of my life. I felt like I had a new baby but not "literally baby", it's more responsibility as many lives are on stakes.

I had no experience, no mentor and coach, no team per say, only one person who's not hundred percent fully committed in this project and on top of that, the company threw me in the deep sea that  I need to swim and survive.

It reminded me back when I started my motherhood journey. With no knowledge, no experience, no mentor, no helpers and little money, we need to nurture the living baby and finally we survived.

The first one was always the harder, but after the second and third, things were moving pretty easier.

I guess it's the same with my current situation. I started this project with excitement and to ask the basic questions what is your motivation to take this project ? Is it money, status, power, or calling ?

I think it's a calling, when this project is meant to help womenpreneurs, I felt their struggles and resonated with them and what made me going is that they want to learn and grow and apparently I learnt a lot from them as well.

Before I took this project, I have prayed and offered this project to God as my 5 loaves and 2 fishes. I didn't know how it will turn out but I only hope that God multiplied my efforts, perfected the imperfection and created a multitude impacts to more lives.

And it's not easy, there are many stumbling blocks, hiccups and there are times that I just cried alone at the hotel room because I felt so helpless and overwhelmed.

What I asked from God is just to give me wisdom, grace and strength, peace, love, joy and humility to do His will.

I know that this is the path that I need to go through as God wants me to grow. He's currently moulding and shaping me and it's not something that I like. Everyday, I am pushed to the limits and out of my comfort zone, some examples : learning and understanding customer journeys experience, organising an event from A to Z, finding partners and sponsors, creating the contents for workshop, presenting the workshop which I never had the relevant education background, thanks God for chatGPT, creating digital marketing campaign plan.

There are times that I am questioning God whether this is His will and plan especially when I have been praying constantly and things still go wrong not according to my expectation.

But deep inside my heart, there's a soft voice that telling me, this is where I am going to grow. Just persevere, because one day I will fly like an eagle.

As a mom, I also had a guilty feeling towards my kids especially when I need to leave them behind for my business trip. However, I'm also been comforted when there's soft voice said not to worry about the kids. God has sent the good helper to take care physically of them and sometimes they need to be independent and survive, this is also to see whether what I have done as a stay at home mother in the past 12 years bearing fruits.

Apparently, when I am back in Singapore, I spend quality time with them and they have behaved so well and can talk a lot. Yeah, it's really comforting.

I am really grateful for :

1. My hubby - who has supported me and being there with me in every season of my life

2. My children - who have good and positive attitude and behaviours, they may not have excellent academy but they have been so well behave towards the helper, friends and teacher

3. My parents and parents in law - who have supported and prayed for me all the time, I had a quality time with my parents in law over dinner whenever I am in Jakarta

4. My communities either in PD KKIHS or EGCC - they have been praying and asking my situation and through serving in this community, I felt that I can give back to what God has given to me

5. My bosses in the company - they have picked me up when I'm just a stay at home mom and have treated me well eventhough they have some limitations as well as human but seeing that they have good heart, it gives me the reason to pay them back by helping this company to make money and grow

6. My colleagues who are helpful and some are not helpful - one way or another it helps me to grow as person to be the fighter. They push me to the limits so that I can utilise my hidden talents and gifts

7. Last but not least my faith as it's the only anchor when things are stormy and not according to my expectations.

What I wish for :

1. I want this project to be successful in terms of commercially and impact.  I want the company that I am working makes money and profit and unicorn organically and it creates positive impact not only for the team but also the external

2. I want to get double pay rise than what I have now but this is not for myself but for children educations, bring our parents to travel, give back to community and of course enough for ourselves to life comfortably.

3. I want to have my rich life which is travelling around the world without worry about money.

I offer all my wishes to God, He already knew my heart desires and hopefully it's align with His desire and will.