Skip to main content

Self Rebellion and ambivalence

I am currently in the high stress stage and lead into self rebellion stage.

This year my goal is to go back to healthy life style that's why I decide to go into TONE Program in the hope to reset by body composition.

Unfortunately because of the strict diet rules, it attacks me back. 

I am the person that very conscious about what I should and should not eat become very rebellious.

French fried, fried chicken are looks so good and yummy even though I know that it's not good for the body.

I have been craving something that actually I hate.

Topping up with my stress at work, it really double down the self rebellion.

When I have high stress, I just want to eat something that I like but due to this strict diet, I even can't eat it.

The diet rules said no fried food, no carbs, limit types of vegetables, fruits and cooking method.

It seems that my body fight hard for this rules.

Even exercise has specific rules, no cardio only weight resistance and I really want to do cardio instead.

Whatever the rules apply, I want to do the opposite.

It's kinda of frustrating as I don't even know myself and can't control it.

This is seriously mental games. I really need someone who's neutral to be my counsellor.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dreams come true - Cappadocia (day 7)

This is the highlight of Cappadocia which is hot air balloon ride. As it depends a lot on the weather, we were lucky that we could fly to watch sunrise. We were picked up around 5.30am in the morning to Urgup area and arrived 20 mins later. They provided us with light breakfast while they lit up the balloon.  We started riding it around 6.20am and it's so breathtaking to see the Goreme area and hundreds of balloon joining us. The sunrise is around 7am and by 7.30am we already landed safely.  We had champagne celebration and received certificate too and returned back to our hotel for breakfast. Around 10am, we were picked up for Green Valley tour. Stopped by at Goreme Panorama and Pigeon valley for photo spots. After that, we went to Underground city where Anatolian people lived underground to survive from natural disaster and dangers. It's amazing how they build the houses and lived there for a long period of time. Then, we continued our tour to Selime Monastery and Cathedral w

Reflection

It's been such a long time that I sit down, press a pause button and reflect back what has happened in my life, what things I should be grateful, what are the lesson learnt and what I should improve Things have gone so fast in my life and it's like unending cycle. It's been almost 2 months since I helmed the new project in the company I am working and it took half of my life. I felt like I had a new baby but not "literally baby", it's more responsibility as many lives are on stakes. I had no experience, no mentor and coach, no team per say, only one person who's not hundred percent fully committed in this project and on top of that, the company threw me in the deep sea that  I need to swim and survive. It reminded me back when I started my motherhood journey. With no knowledge, no experience, no mentor, no helpers and little money, we need to nurture the living baby and finally we survived. The first one was always the harder, but after the second and thir

Dreams come true - Cappadocia (day 6)

It's time for another dream destination - Cappadocia. After arriving at Athens International Airport, we miscalculated the transit time. We only gave 1.5 hours in between without realising that we needed to change the airline and domestic route so we rushed out and checked in 25 minutes before the flight departed. Thanks God, we were still allowed for checking in. After settling in Turkish airlines, we were provided with warm baguette and drinks which could calm ourselves and our seat was next to emergency door so we got leg room. We arrived at Cappadocia airport which was very small and reminded me on my hometown's airport in the old days. Then we were picked up by airport transfer to our cave hotel - Panoramic cave hotel. The journey to the hotel was amazing, we saw many natural chimneys that we never saw before. Arriving in the hotel, we checked in to our pigeon nest room which was chimney suite and never stop took pictures of the room and the scenery surrounding. In the lat