Lord, help...I'm drowning

This week has been a tough one for me.

It began with an Influenza A infection — thank God I’ve recovered now.

But not long after, I was hit by another wave of what I can only describe as a panic or spiritual attack. Out of nowhere, I felt deeply down, helpless, worried, and flooded with negative thoughts pulling me into a dark pit.

I found myself overthinking, over-worrying, and overwhelmed by everything — the business, the kids — until I had no emotional energy left even to serve at the Life Spirit Seminar. I was simply moving through the motions, saying “yes” to every plan without heart.

One weekday noon, I found myself on my knees crying at Mass, because I didn’t know what else to do. The breaking point came yesterday when I cried out to God for help, telling Him I was drowning. I asked for Mary, mother of Jesus’s intercession, saying I had run out of “wine.”
“Do whatever He tells you…”

I hoped things would get better, but instead they seemed to go the opposite way.

When I contacted my supplier in Vietnam about winter boots and pants, she told me that her shop will be closed in October for renovations and will only reopen in November — news she herself had just received two days earlier.

Panic hit me again because I had promised a potential client that we would get these items for them. I messaged my husband, and he called me immediately. We scrambled to find a solution. I checked with the client if he was still interested, and he said yes.

So, to keep my word, I decided to fly there next week before the shop closes to get whatever stock is available. It was a quick decision — and I wondered if I had made a mistake, taking on an order before securing the inventory.

Yet this also became a wake-up call: I might be running this business driven more by emotions than reason, from a mindset of scarcity rather than abundance. Perhaps, I’ve been lacking faith.

Maybe this is a moment for me to pause, slow down, and reflect on what we’ve done so far — not just from a business perspective, but spiritually as well.

I don’t have all the answers yet, but I know I must take responsibility for saying “yes” to this client.

Looking back, I choose to believe that God allowed this to happen not to punish me, but to stretch my faith — to trust Him even when I can’t see what lies ahead. When I rely only on my own understanding, things become heavier and more overwhelming.

And so, one way or another, I thank God for this — even though it didn’t turn out the way I expected.