Contemplating .....

This is my current situation right now, contemplating to let it go or hold on to it !

To be honest, in the past 8 months I have been holding on to it. Trying to be okay even though it's not okay.

I never shared about this to anyone except my hubby, I appreciate his support, listening ears however I don't think he understands what I feel.

I don't even know whether what I have done so far is the right thing but one thing that I know I just don't feel right about what my company does.

It seems that the vision has changed, it's only care for money and impact is just a cover up to create a theme and not really a genuine mission.

The bosses are nice guys but they are clueless about the market, they live in the idealist world which don't match the reality. I have been trying to explain, asking them to review, making changes but nothing has done. I am really in the wits end. 

Everyday I need to fight for the company and for clients and none back me up.

I just feel frustrated and keep it under my blanket.

But as time goes by, I just can't hold on anymore.

My hubby told me to hold on a little bit more but I really almost lost hope, things don't change but the pressure is always on.

Sometimes, I questioning myself, whom I fight for ?

This is not my company, but I work my ass to fight for the justice.

Today is my last fight to give a chance for company to review and change the commercial terms because it doesn't fit the market but alas they don't  really care and it's not their problem and even blame me picking wrong clients.

There are no appreciation and thought that it's so easy to get the clients.

I really don't know why I should hold on to it ?

It's really like a torn in my flesh that I carry everyday.

Silent tears that nobody understand and care, the struggles that I have been going through.

God, in my mind, I need to trust and have faith in You.

I really don't know whether I have strength to wait a little longer without knowing if this is really part of Your plan.

I only wish one thing God, please open my eyes, my heart to see the goodnesss in everything.

Please help and give me courage to settle these issues with my two clients.

I really want to start something fresh that genuinely makes impacts for people and planet not just cover up theme or impact washing.