Love languages

This is very interesting aspect in marriage. How love languages could have an impact in marriage life.

It could make the marriage become better or worse.

Differences in love languages between husband and wife can become a problem or a strengthening instrument.

There are five love languages, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts and act of service.

My primary love languages are physical touch and gifts. On the other hand, my husband's primary love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.

We have completely different love languages and because of this, we have different ways to express our love towards each other.

Partners have tendency to express his or her love using his or her love languages instead of his or her partners need. As our case, I subconsciously express my love using mine since I also want to be loved in return with these love languages.

I love to openly hug or kiss him in public places or even in front of our kids. And for special occasions like birthday, anniversary or Christmas, I will put an effort to look for the presents that he has ever mentioned before that he wants or needs it but has no time to look for it. Even if they are in the other part of the world, and within my means, I will buy as suprise gift for him.

On the other hand, he expresses his love using his love languages. He will seldom say no if I need times for myself or doing some errands. And he will always put in the good words if he requests for something or wants to correct me if I am wrong to make sure that he doesn't break my heart or hurt me.

Eventhough these are not my primary needs, but when he does that, I still feel loved.

But things can go wrong when our primary needs are not fulfilled for a period of time or when we expect  our partner to give more than they could.

For eg last year I felt so exhausted mentally and physically by the end of the year because of a hectic life for the whole year and it triggered me to feel even worse and unloved when my love tank was never filled up for very long time. 

I hoped that he would give me a surprise gift for Christmas presents. I have given him hints but it didn't work and end up I told him what I wanted and it no longer a surprise or meaningful gift that I expected.

In the following year, he made an effort to give a surprise valentine gift and dinner as well as a surprise birthday gift by staycation eventhough it's not my want. But I appreciate his efforts and feel loved again.

Another example is on his case, for him, quality time just two of us is very important like when we were in courtship day. However, things have changed over the years, with three kids in the house and a side business that I built with no helper, time becomes so rare and precious. That's why the quality time that I could give him is no longer luxurious. I try to plan, juggle and multitask whatever on my daily do lists but still it may not up to his expectations.

For me, once a month couple date and accompanying him during weekends are the best time I could give. But he may expect more since he always make himself available whenever I ask him.

These are the life examples that how differences in love languages can create an issue in marriage.

It may not seem trivial issue but if it's built up overtime, it could danger the marriage life itself especially when the persons involved are no longer know the root of the problems and put the blame on another partner.

The solution for this is communication between husband and wife. By telling the other partner honestly what he/she needs, and the expectations of the other partner, the love languages would be a strengthening instrument for happy marriage.