After attending CSF retreat last August, we were inspired by God's purpose in Marriage which I wrote before, and from the five purposes, we haven't done the last part which is Power for Mission.
While we were discerning for doing that, in the same time we were discussing about our marriage, why our relationship is so different from others. Even though we have been married for 10 years, but we still fall in love with each other every day. When I or my husband are apart because of business trip or I'm travelling alone, we are longing for each other. We can't wait to come home to see, hug and kiss each other.
When we compare with others' relationship surround us, which most of them said that since the arrival of the children, everything is no longer the same. The passion and enjoyment sometimes have long gone. They may live in the parallel life and what make them together because of the children.
When they talk, they always discuss about the children. When they go for holiday, they always thought about the kids. Everything is all about the children's well-being.
From that conversation, both of us have this desire to share our relationship journey, the ups and downs and how we can still fall in love with each other despite having 3 children and all the challenges that we face like other married couple but we don't know how and where to start.
God listens and He guides us.
We were given the opportunity to join CEP (Couple Empowerment Programme), I knew this programme before from our common friends who have attended and reap the benefits from this event. So when the opportunity came, we decided to attend this 10 week sessions at our church.
After ending the 10 week sessions, actually we didn't feel any difference in our relationship because we have been in the fullness with each other. But one thing that inspired us was the couple who presented this programme, Bernard and Ying.
They shared their life experiences, their marriage and family challenges, the good news and grievances and the wisdoms.
In the end of the session, each couple has been given this book
When I read it, it answered our quests why we have such a happy marriage. Not only that, this book gave us a practical guide how to make the marriage works and great again.
John Gottman said happy couple unknowingly apply these 7 principles in their relationship thus make them able to surpass all the seasons and conflicts.
Happy couple have similar conflicts and arguments, challenges like others but they have these secret weapons
1. Enhance love map ( they know each other's likes, dislikes, dreams, hopes )
2. Nurture fondness and admiration ( they have positive past memories about each other )
3. Turn towards each other instead away ( they share their problems, predicaments, empathy )
4. Let your partner influence you ( the husband always ask the wife's opinion and make mutual agreement )
5. Solve your solvable problems ( if the problem is not big deal, solve it immediately, but if it's perpetual, make temporary solution )
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Created share meaning ( find some activities that both partners take part, like serve the church or ministry together )
When I read this book, I said to him. Yes, this book will guide us because we can use our life experiences as the examples to share about how to make the marriage works and full with enjoyment and passion.
So, starting this coming Saturday, both of us will become "Bernard & Ying" Junior to share our experiences, wisdom to other couples in the cell group.
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