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A Survival Week


It's been almost a week that I was left behind with the kids when he was away for business trips. It's the longest business trip that he ever had and not only that, it's coincidence with mid term school holiday. I thought I was strong, when he told me before hand that he needed to stay over weekend there but a day after he left, I was almost lost.

I browsed for the air tickets and found it's damn expensive travelling with three kids, so I aborted the impulsive plan.
I scratched my head what I needed to do with these kids during school holiday because I can't let them just watch TV all day long or fighting with each other and made me premature aging faster so finally I found free event from HPB, Active family SG.

Since it's accommodating for 6 - 12 years old only my eldest one could join, but at least we were out for something useful as family.
He joined nerf gun combat and bowling twice for each activity and I did join him for bowling too and it was fun.

On the first few days of school holiday, I was like a monster mom, nagging and screaming here and there at them. I almost lost temper everyday but towards the end of the school holiday, I was able to calm down, slowing my pace and having fun with them.

When school term started, I was a bit relieved at least everything went back to normal again and I was excited to count days down for my husband's arrivals from business trip.
Even though we are miles away, we always communicate via video call at night or watsapp messengers during the day.

As I anticipated for our usual talk about today's activities, he broke a news that he might need to stay a little bit longer because of the unexpected workload.
When I heard about this, I didn't know how to response, my logic said that it's alright because he needed to do his job and at least he has done his best, but my heart was in the opposite one. I was feeling sad  and disappointed.

There's no coherent between my mind and my heart,  I was overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment than my logic.
After that, my ears and my mind were turned deaf and blank, I heard him but I didn't listen to what he said after that. I just wanted to put down the phone and calmed myself down and I did.

When I had family prayers with the kids, I tried to compose and calm myself down. But I can't hold it anymore when I accompanied the kids sleeping, I just cried in silent at their room.

I know by logic, few hours more may not make any differences, but I just feel down when I am hoping and excited to see him soon.

I thought I am strong, but I am not....






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